- .Shona's au pairs were shocked by her behaviour
- .Petra, 18, said she was treated like a slave
- .Shona left her three-month-old with her so she could go skiing
- .Another was amazed at how misbehaved the children were
- .They seemed to have no respect for their mother
Last month I dropped off our latest au pair (the 14th in as many years) at Bristol airport to fly home to Hungary after his summer stint with us. As always I thought: ‘Never again! That’s the last one I’m having.’
But then a month or two goes by, the laundry piles up, the house descends into even more chaos and I start comparing the cost of a British cleaner and nanny with what I have to part with to welcome a young European woman or man into our home.
Quite simply, it’s a no-brainer. Having an au pair who will clean, iron, babysit and look after my little monsters — all for under a hundred quid a week — frees me up to get on with my job and have the odd sneaky lie-in.
No brainer: For Shona, hiring an au pair to help look after her four children and clean her house has always made sense
Call it slave labour if you want. But they get free English lessons, food and board — and I get help for a pittance.
The problem comes when personalities get in the way, which, invariably for me, has been the biggest stumbling block. I’ve only ever had two au pairs whom I’ve liked.
But I’ve often wondered what they all thought about me. So I decided to track down as many as possible and ask them to reveal what they really thought of our family and — deep breath — my skills as a mother . . .
I’d never dream of treating kids like this
2000-2001: Petra Vlasakova, 32, from the Czech Republic. She’s now married with two children and pregnant with her third. Petra says:
Learnt from the worst: Now a mother herself, Petra would never treat her children the way Shona did
I was 18 when Shona contacted me through a London au pair agency. It was my first job. I was told I would get £70 a week for doing 30 hours, to include two evenings babysitting. It seemed a lot of money, but I had no idea what lay ahead. Shona was eight months pregnant and had a two-year-old, Flo, who went to nursery three days a week. I was surprised and thought: ‘If she is at nursery all day, what am I expected to do?’
It soon became clear. On my first afternoon, Shona sat me down and gave me a long list of household chores she wanted me to complete every day. I remember feeling very intimidated but still managed to tell her: ‘I’m a nanny, not a cleaner.’
Her response put me straight. She said: ‘No, you’re not, you’re an au pair. If you’re not prepared to help me in whatever way I need, you can go home right now.’ I felt so alone. I know she needed help, but I didn’t want to be treated like a slave.
Also, she hadn’t told me about Oscar, a 12-week-old black labrador puppy. He wasn’t house-trained, and because Shona couldn’t bend over as her bump was so huge, it was my job to clear up after him.
I was so young and out of my depth. Now I’ve had children of my own, I can’t believe some of the things Shona expected me to do.
For instance, when Annie was three months old, Shona and her husband Keith went skiing for a week and left me alone with a two-year-old and a baby. I remember feeling terrified of something going wrong. Shona didn’t seem at all bothered.
Looking back, I really can’t understand her. I would never dream of leaving my children with an 18-year-old teenager.
That’s not what a good mother does. She must be one of the worst mothers in Britain.
Shona says: Petra was a sweet girl but very inexperienced. I must have been absolutely mad to leave a 12-week-old baby in her sole charge to go skiing. All I can think is that I was so desperate for a break, it clouded my judgment.
Probably, this explains much of what happened during Petra’s time with us. I was exhausted with new motherhood and did cross the boundaries with what I expected an au pair to do.
She cared more about her house than her children
2003-2004: Lisa Pesch, 32, from Holland. She now lives with her partner, their daughter, nine, and two-month-old baby. Lisa says:
Threat: Shona was a little jealous of attractive Lisa being around her husband
I came to Shona when I was 21 after advertising my au pair services on the classified ads website Gumtree.
I didn’t have any childcare experience — I’d been working as a dancer in an Amsterdam nightclub — but I really wanted a job in England. Being an au pair seemed the easiest option.
At the time, Monty was one, Annie was three and Flo was five. Keith was working from their home in Surrey and Shona commuted to London three days a week. We agreed Shona would pay me £100 for 40 hours a week.
There was so much cleaning and the house was old and huge, with five bedrooms over three floors.
Also, I quickly realised Shona was a perfectionist and could be really grumpy, especially in the mornings. She would make a simple question sound like an accusation — ‘You didn’t put sugar on the children’s cereal, did you?’
Keith was easier, but then he wasn’t really my boss — he left that to Shona. We were at home all day together while she was working in London and I think this niggled her.
Looking back, I wish I’d just told her not to worry. I wasn’t interested in her middle-aged husband! But now I’m a mother myself I can see why she was jealous. There’s no way I’d let an attractive young woman into my home the same way she did.
In other ways, I think Shona was remarkably laid-back. I’d sneak boyfriends into my bedroom, or go clubbing at night, all of which she knew about. So she was quite relaxed about some things, but really not very relaxed about others.
She had high standards more about running a house than looking after children. She would call from her London office and say things like: ‘Don’t forget to put all the felt-tip lids back on the pens otherwise they’ll dry out.’
And I would hang up the phone and think: ‘The children are running around naked in the garden.’
Shona says: Lisa was one of my two favourite au pairs. She ran the house like clockwork.
I was, though, incredibly jealous of leaving her alone with Keith. Lisa is absolutely stunning. Friends would come to the house, take one look at her and say: ‘Are you insane?’
When she left, I vowed never again to employ someone who looked as attractive as her.
'Aren't they a nightmare?' Shona said of her children: But many of the au pairs thought she was the problem
She let those children rule the whole house
2006-2007: Vanessa Cournier, 32, from France. She now lives with her partner and their six-week-old baby son. Vanessa says:
Slave labour: Vanessa felt like a maid
Shona first employed me over a summer holiday. I was 24 and ended up staying for a whole year, so it can’t have been that bad. But, looking back, there were moments when I seriously feared for my sanity.
Shona wanted me available ten hours a day and she paid me £150.
It seemed a good deal, but the children were totally spoilt and would throw apple cores and wrappers on the sofa for me to clear up.
I felt like a maid. But I didn’t dare tell them off. I had to tidy their bedrooms every day, which was pointless because they would just make them messy again. I tried to remind myself they were just kids and that it was actually Shona and Keith’s fault.
But I never understood why they weren’t reprimanded. In my French home, children knew their place; Shona and Keith’s ruled the household.
Then there were the dogs. I hated walking them, especially when it was cold, muddy and rainy.
Shona bought a sausage dog to keep Oscar, the labrador, company and then didn’t bother to house-train it properly so it made a mess on the kitchen floor every night. I was always trying not to be first into the kitchen every morning so I wouldn’t have to clean it up.
Also, I couldn’t understand why the children needed to be busy every single minute of their day. They had sports, theatre, dance — they never had time for rest.
I don’t think Shona wanted them in the house when she was working, even though by this time she had an office in a hut at the end of the garden and couldn’t have heard them anyway.
Sometimes they were desperate to see her and I would have to pretend she was out because I knew she wouldn’t want to see them.
But Shona made me laugh, too. At the end of the day she would pour two glasses of wine, hand me one and say: ‘God, aren’t they a nightmare?’
I’d silently think: ‘No. You are.’
No discipline: The au pairs thought Shona let her children run riot
Shona says: Vanessa was my other favourite. She was really laid-back, and never got moody or judged me when I was difficult — which I know I can be. She made me feel like a good mother even when I knew I wasn’t being one.
My happiness at getting the job lasted a day
2010: Fabien Lzo, 27, from France. He’s now an electrical engineer and engaged to be married. Fabien says:
I was 23 and needed to spend three months in the UK as part of my university degree; being an au pair seemed the easiest way to do it.
Shona was the only person to respond to my advert and I remember feeling very grateful because it can be hard, if you’re a boy, to get an au pair position. But my happiness lasted a day.
During my first hour in the house, Monty, who was seven, filled a water pistol with his own urine and sprayed it all over me. Welcome to England.
10th au pair: Fabian thought Shona didn't spend enough time with her children
The next day, Flo answered the telephone and told me: ‘It’s my Grandma calling. She wants to talk to you.’
I had no idea why this woman I had never met would want to speak to me but it was to beg me not to leave. She said: ‘Please. You’re the tenth au pair. You have to stay.’
One of my tasks was to vacuum the house. I thought I was there to look after the children, so it was a bit disappointing when I was told to clean the living room while the whole family ate on the sofa. I remember Shona saying: ‘Fabien, this isn’t clean. If you can’t do it properly I would rather pay a cleaner and pay you less.’
I was only earning £70 a week for working all day!
In my opinion, Shona did not spend enough time with her kids.
Every evening she would feed the children first, then eat later with Keith. In my family when I was a child we all ate together and talked about our day.
When I asked her why she didn’t do the same, she looked at me like I was mad and said: ‘But they behave like animals at the table. Why would I want to eat with them?’
It was quite a hard job for me because Dolly was only ten months old and I had to learn to change dirty nappies. Shona did ask if I was OK to do this, but I got the impression it was — what do you call it? — a rhetorical question. I still stay in touch with all the children today, thanks to Facebook, and I’ve been carrying a picture of Dolly around in my wallet for four years. Overall I have happy memories of my time with them. I hope they do, too.
Comes with the territory: The au pairs were expected to walk - and clean up after - the dogs too
Shona says: I employed Fabien because I wanted a male au pair to build dens with the children and run them ragged outside. And then this very trendy French boy turned up wearing designer trainers, with a handbag slung over his shoulder.
He isn’t gay (even though we initially thought he was), but he did use my hairdryer more than I did.
I think we probably put him off marriage and children for life, but we’re still in touch today.
An au pair? They just wanted cheap manual labour
2014: Aron Kristof, 24, from Hungary. He has returned home to complete his degree in agricultural engineering. Aron says:
Judgmental: Aron was shocked by Shona's family
I have just spent the summer with Shona and her family on their farm in Devon. She employed me through a website, Aupair World.
When we first spoke she told me I was lucky to get the job because she had chosen me from 300 other applicants. She offered to pay me £70 a week for 30 hours.
However, when I got to their home I didn’t feel that lucky. It’s a massive farmhouse and all the children have their own, huge rooms.
My bedroom, however, was tiny — like a little box, with no windows and no natural light.
She was embarrassed when she showed me but said: ‘It’s OK, you’ll be spending most of your time outside anyway.’
This was certainly true. I quickly realised that Shona and Keith didn’t really need an au pair — three of their children are teenagers, after all.
What they wanted was someone to do cheap, manual labour: clearing out barns, mowing the lawn and cutting back overgrown hedges.
But I soon discovered this was preferable.
During my first week Shona and Keith had to go to London for work and left me in charge. Flo, 15, decided to have a house party and invited 15 friends over, including boys.
As I watched all these drunk English teenagers breaking the dining room furniture and being sick in the garden, I wondered how I was going to survive. But when Shona got home, she just laughed about it.
Another time, I found what looked suspiciously like a joint in the living room. But this was week three, and by then nothing could shock me. Not even her parenting philosophy, which is so totally different to my own parents’.
Shona explains everything to her children rather than just telling them what to do. I believe this is the source of endless arguments. It was obvious to me that none of Shona’s children respected her.
Shona says: Because Aron has only just left, I’m still reeling a little from the experience. I think he was utterly shocked by our family. But then he is very judgmental.
I hope, one day, when he has children of his own, he looks back and realises that nobody is perfect!
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